Yes, you read that correctly. I'm pretty sure my couch is gay—which in my tolerant household is fine and that's really not the reason I'm selling him—I swear. It's just that I'm moving and can't take him with me. I'm fine with him just the way he is. Seriously! What??? So why am I convinced my sofa is gay? Well…you be the judge:
Clue #1) He's obsessed with his fitness. Unlike his owner, he's always trying to stay in shape. Granted, he's only three but he's constantly flexing his handsome springs and impressing neighboring couches with his stuffing. Honestly, what heterosexual sofa can reel off his measurements at the drop of a hat? 84 Long (he's really proud of that one), 37 deep, 30 high…I've heard it so many times he's even got me reciting them now. This is embarrassing.
Those weren't mentioned, were they?