When you decide to start de-friending people you don’t know.
And then someone de-friends you.
When no one “likes” your new photo.
When that bar-crawl group you joined in college starts messaging you again.
When you find the profile of the your ex’s new boyfriend/girlfriend.
When anyone tries to hit on you via FB messenger.
And when that person is your ex.
When Facebook asks for your phone number and emails.
And when your pre-teen relative finds you on Facebook.
When Facebook came out with its own phone.
When someone you don’t know invites you to their birthday party.
When someone starts live posting the scores of sporting events.
When people write multi-paragraph political commentary.
When people post extremely emotional, attention-seeking, depressing statuses.
And you’re like:
You come up with a very witty status update.
And then you misspell a word.
When people ask you why you’re not updating anymore.
So you tell everyone you’re moving to Tumblr.
And then you find out Yahoo is buying Tumblr.
When your boss friends you.
When you get 1,000 birthday messages.
When someone tags you in a drunk photo.
And this is what they find out about you:
When someone pokes you.
When people message you their random thoughts throughout the day.
When someone you’re kind of seeing asks you to be in a relationship.
Your productivity at work/school meets the facebook panda.
When someone asks why you didn’t accept their friend request.
When you check in on how your old high school friends lives are.
When you are creeping on someone and you accidentally “like” one of their photos.
When creepers you have never met start commenting on your updates.
When your parents friend you.
When you realize there are lots of old people on Facebook.
And when you find out so much more about a person than you ever wanted to know.
When Facebook makes you lose your faith in humanity.
And your mom instantly writes on your wall.
When endless, obnoxious graduation photos destroy your news feed.
And then they begin liking everything you ever posted.
When you see a selfie.
When people invite you to like fan pages about themselves.
When you watch people ruin their lives on Facebook.
When ANYONE posts ANY intimate details about their pregnancy.