A job that doesn’t ever require you to show up until noon, or stay later than 5 p.m.
Dishes that wash, dry, and reshelve themselves as soon as you put them in the sink.
A landlord who sometimes just forgets to ask for rent.
The superpower of knowing all the lyrics to every song that comes on at a party.
Friends who will NEVER hang out without you.
Arms that stretch long enough to always reach your phone/remote/drink.
Nutella that won’t make you fat or diabetic, no matter how many spoonfuls you eat while sitting in your bed in pajamas.
Roommates who genuinely enjoy cleaning the entire apartment thoroughly every week.
For pants to be optional everywhere…and even kinda discouraged.
A bar where you walk in and the bartender says hello and asks if you’d like “the usual.”
A significant other who gets along with your mom and loves buying you things.
A one-touch laundry machine that sorts, washes, dries, and puts away your clothes for you.
An online dating platform that filters out all creeps and constantly finds you models who want nothing but to make you happy forever.
A drink that tastes like candy, keeps you at the sweet spot of drunk all night, and leaves no hangover.
A raise for no reason.
A well-reasoned and thoroughly researched opinion on all political goings on, ready to whip out whenever the subject is raised.
For “binge-watching my favorite show and can’t get out of bed right now” to be a valid excuse to skip work.
A restaurant that will deliver quality Thai food to your doorstep for free at all hours of the night.
An active and 100% non-awkward sex life.
A self-renewing contact lens prescription and hair that trims itself every month.
Advanced technology that enables the trash to take itself out.
A 401(k) that fills itself up…and someone who will explain in very simple language what a 401(k) is.
Thousands of Twitter followers who laugh at all your jokes, and a Klout score higher than your boss’.
And a letter from your parents saying, “Hey there! You were totally right — it’s much easier to find clothes when they’re strewn casually on the floor!”
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