You can’t really hold it against brain. It doesn’t always know when it’s supposed to be holding the rest of you against someone else. There are a lot of things to keep track of – intentions, work, taxes, whether or not the new season of Game of Thrones will be good.
Never fear. Sometimes another vital organ needs to step in to return brain to the basics: your friendly neighborhood dick. Helping you avoid boring a beautiful woman into clicking away from your quickflirt.com page, by facepalming, going “DUDE, REALLY?” and getting you back on the straight and narrow.
Dick has your back.
And here you were googling, “how to impress a musician.” In one fell swoop, dick has just saved you countless hours researching obscure bands and trying to remember completely dumb lyrics so you could not seem like a buffoon. Then you’d inevitably get it stuck in your head, and dick would never speak to you again – neither would the chick.
And here you thought it was a fashion statement. Well. This changes everything.
We all get a little geographically challenged now and then. Dick is like more exciting Google Maps – and getting a little off course isn’t even a bad thing.
Finding common ground is so difficult these days. Not so much with dick on the job.
Gaining an awesome female friend is great an all, but is pretty difficult when you were planning on more exciting activities. Dick could’ve had you looking for a special someone while also enjoying a platonic friend weeks ago – should’ve listened.
If that doesn’t work, say you were checking out her lungs. They’re looking a little spotty, she should have that checked. It’ll give you at least a five second head start.
It’s a lot more original than a long walk on a beach. If she takes it badly, though, you can always get in a very masculine argument with the waiter to defend her honor. Double whammy.
You could still offer to install that lightbulb for her. Chicks dig men who can do handy work. At the very least, if you fall off the ladder, she’ll have to play nurse.