My boss is an inept, whiny, pusillanimous twatwaffle. Because he’s a brown-noser with his superiors, it is of course most important that he be a condescending jackass to his department staff. He makes small problems big, and big problems become major issues. He makes my (utterly amazing) supervisor cry. He makes snide remarks about how he doesn’t have to be so generous with our compensation (which, due to company structure, actually has little to do with him). He is a Class A A**hole.

Being that he is my boss, I am unable to tell him precisely how useless and pathetic I find his existence to be. My ire must be expressed in pettier ways.

Once a week there is a specific report I run, make 15 pretty copies of, and provide for him to present in a staff meeting with his superiors. Knowing his constant fear of offending or disturbing the executives in any way, today I printed 14 lovely color copies of the report, and one black-and-white report from the printer that has a wonky roller, so the print is kind of smudgy. Oops, the color ink must have run out!

I know there is no way he will present a slightly blurry, black-and-white report to anyone in the room – he’ll distribute the pretty color ones, and keep the ugly one for himself. I took care to further smudge some of the ink so he can’t read the smaller figures, too.

Have fun in staff, a**hole.