Now that we’ve all collectively gasped and prayed for our members… Yes this is actually a real thing. This generally happens when she gets a little too aggressive while on top. Apparently it’s accompanied by a “popping and cracking” sound and I’m through with this.
Doing good work there. This is one you earn like a badge of honor.
Bits I don’t mean to be a dick, but can I get a high five for this? Yeah, that’s how we feel as dudes, but for the women this can cause quite a bit of discomfort. If you’re bottoming out, you may want to get her one of those donut pillows.
So, according to the Telegraph, these injuries are frequently cause by falling into furniture, breaking objects or even smashing into walls… Yeah, uh huh, that’s how you got sore knees. Just put a pillow down there while you’re doing your thing, would ya?
As savage as this sounds it’s actually the most common sex injury women get. This one is fairly easy to avoid though, just keep a nice big bottle of lube by the bed and use frugally.
Sex should be spontaneous, which means you may not always have the luxury of a bed (or knee pads). Sometimes a hard core romp on the carpet is just what the doctor ordered. No judgement here, just a slow clap.
Fall Related Injuries
Ok, now you guys are just freaks. According to the Telegraph’s survey, one in ten people have reported a sex related injury due to falling. One in ten people need to get themselves a swing…
Whoa whoa whoa, slow down, “pulling a muscle” isn’t a euphemism here. It’s legit. All that thrusting and writhing can take a toll on your old body. Maybe do some stretching as foreplay or something?
I’m no expert, but the real experts agree that a woman should get up and pee after sex. I’ve also never had a UTI, but apparently, this is the second most common sex related “injury” for women and can be quite painful…? Cranberry juice anyone?
Ummmmm, as a former EMT, I’m just not even going to get into this one, butt apparently, this is very common and usually related to a condom that slipped off or a forgotten tampon. I’m gonna go wash my hands now, thanks.