“The trouble ain’t there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain’t distributed right.” – Mark Twain
“His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.” -Mae West
“I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll make an exception.” -Gruocho Marx
“If your brains were dynamite, there wouldn’t be enough to blow your hat off.” -Kurt Vonnegut Jr
“Only two things are infinite– the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not so sure about the former.” -Albert Einstein
“My opponent is a glob of snot.”– Søren Kierkegaard
“We were happily married for eight months. Unfortunately, the marriage lasted four and a half years.” -Nick Faldo
“How could I have been afraid of a man with such a long nose?” -Nero, after killing a man he was quarreling with.
“He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.” -Billy Wilder
“Poor Faulkner. He thinks big emotions come from big words.” -Ernest Hemingway
“Prince Charles’s ears are so big, he could hang-glide over the Falklands!” -Joan Rivers
“Every time I read Pride And Prejudice, I want to dig Jane Austen up and hit her over the skull with her own shin bone.” -Mark Twain
“The tautness of his face sours ripe grapes.” -William Shakespeare
“If you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman.” -Margaret Thatcher
“If they can make penicillin out of moldy bread, then they can sure make something out of you.” -Muhammad Ali
“In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress.” -John Adams
“He may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot, but don’t let that fool you– he really is an idiot.” -Groucho Marx
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