How to develop friends after college

While there are no silver bullets here, especially because great friendships usually develop over long periods of time through sustained, meaningful and shared experiences, here are two tips that have helped me turn people I’ve met into real and new friends in my late twenties. The hardest part is really meeting people for the first time — friends of friends, work, clubs, sports teams, coffee shops, local public events, all of these offer opportunities to meet new people, but then what do you do?

Treat people like they’re already your friends, even if they aren’t yet. As you are getting to know someone, try to be honest and open as soon as you feel comfortable doing so — try not to put up any unnecessary barriers between yourself and others, even people you just met — be friendly with people, it will open them up to being friendly back to you.

Also, do things for people you know that you already do for your existing friends — coworker lands late on Sunday and needs a ride home from the airport? Offer to pick them up, but do so casually, don’t make a huge deal about it, just throw it out there (and be okay if they decline). Notice a friend of a friend struggling with something? Ask them how they’re doing, and help if you can. Someone in your running group stressing about things to do with their in-laws, who are visiting this weekend? Send them an email with your favorite spots in the city, sprinkle in stories from when your in-laws visited a few months ago. Try and do little things for people as you get to know them, the sorts of things that happen naturally with your existing friends. Fake it ’till you make it, treat people like friends and they will often reciprocate.

Invite people to things. Shared experiences are what really turn acquaintances into friends, and instead of waiting around for people to suddenly start including you in their plans, start including them in yours. Next time they’re planning something, they might think to invite you, and onward and upward the friendship may build from there.