If you know you’re going in for a hospital stay, take a big bag of candy with you

Due to a sort-of-a-rare illness, I get to stay in hospials frequently. The one trick I’ve learned over the years is to take a gallon sized ziplock full of individually wrapped chocolate (like Kisses and mini candy bars), Starburst, Smarties, mints, gum, etc. Then during my stay, I proceed to liberally share it with every single person I meet….doctors, nurses, orderlies, my roommate, housekeeping, the people that bring my food, and random patients on my floor to name a few. I sprinkle that shit around like being the damn Sugarplum Fairy is my job.

When you share something so welcome with a group of people (especially medical pros) that are often having shit-sucky days you suddenly start noticing your requests for sleep meds come quicker and are brought faster, all your tests get scheduled on the same day, and the nurses that stick you for your IV and labs are much gentler and they take more care with you. As for the service personnel, you find that they’ll trick your food tray out with lots of extras (like more butter, small snacks, and better condiments), housekeeping will be extra nice, and your techs will stop by your room to check on you more frequently and will bring you the much coveted red popsicles or strawberry yogurt from the snack fridge for patients (getting either of those bitches while you’re in is like winning the frigging lottery). Roommates become less irritable and more friendly, visitors to your room are nicer, and random patients on the floor are always grateful.