“Yesterday my friend totally rocked the dancefloor and did splits...Now she has to use crutches.”
On the way home from Oktoberfest
Drunk shopping is not for everyone.
Seriously, all drunk midnight purchases on the internet should be allowed after a breathalyzer test.
“My wife swears she wasn’t drunk when she made this order. She hates chocolate and we never play tennis.”
“Someone stole the doors from my neighbor’s car last night.”
“Went out drinking with my daughter tonight. Pleased to report I was able to show her how adults have a sensible, restrained evening without going over the top.”
It was a funny and a very productive night.
It must’ve been one epic night...
Animals can go crazy too sometimes, and then they suffer the consequences.
“Our lab puppy got into the food bag last night. $250 later, I️ have this keepsake of his gluttony. No organs — just kibble.”
A very drunk, yet a very honest thief.
Alcohol reveals hidden cooking talents.
“Yesterday after a party, drunk me thought this piece of my wife’s soap was fudge.”
“I packed a lunch for myself yesterday. I like my drunk cooking.”
What to do after partying hard: return home, preheat the oven, put a pizza in it, go to bed...
“I broke our shower curtain holder last night while drunk and immediately went to the backyard and handcrafted a new one.”
“My drunk Photoshop skills are incredible. I sent my mom this picture to make her believe that I was at home in bed while I was actually out partying.”
“No wonder I didn’t get up on time today.”
“I don’t remember what happened yesterday but I woke up like this today.”
Rule #1 of every party: no drinking and driving.
“My neighbor should’ve called a taxi yesterday.”
“I passed out at a bus stop. Woke up to this guy pulling my pants off.”
“My friend was drunk when he decided to tattoo himself with neither experience nor artistic ability.”
“My drunk girlfriend was really upset about losing in this game.”
Hey, fella, you’re drunk. Go home.