""Oh you're a geologist? What kind of rock is this?" Just kidding, we love that s**t and will tell you a long story of the history of that rock and how we saw examples in the field in the middle of nowhere."
""Oh you work in Social Media? How do I blow up my Instagram/Youtube?"
Conversation usually then goes somewhat like this:
"You need to provide good content that matches your target audience."
"Yeah....but I don't want to put any real work into that."
"Then buy 500k fake subs from India or China."
"But they are not real people."
"Well you are not providing any real content.""
"Oh you're a Graphic Designer? Can you make a logo for me really quick? It's for my cousin's birthday. I don't have any money to pay but I'll have multiple revisions that will cut into your actual paying work time, but then get upset when you ask for payment"
"You're invited to my.. party/event/wedding/celebration.. please could you bring your camera"
""Oh, you're a pharmacist? Well I have this huge, gaping wound on my left butt cheek, can you look at it and tell me what I can use over the counter?"Sir... Please go to the hospital..."
"Oh you're an artist ? Can you draw me, I'll pay you with exposure"
"Oh your a musician, play that one that goes, bun dum dum bun dum donn bom"
"“Oh you work for a law firm? My son’s ex-girlfriend wants full custody of their kid. What should he do?”
A. I’m a mass tort paralegal, I don’t do family law B. He needs to get a lawyer."
""Oh, you're a teacher? Please explain to me how my child's teacher had the audacity to give them a C despite it being very obvious that my child is a genius!"
Bonus points if they want you to explain the grading criteria in a completely different subject and level of schooling than you teach. Like, I teach high school and community college English and Social Studies - why do you expect me to know the grading criteria for middle school math?"
""You're in the Air Force? So you fly planes?"
Nah I fly a desk."
""Oh, you are a Mathematician? What is 35122*748383?"
Use a goddamn calculator."
"Oh, you're a programmer? I have a idea of a cool app!"
"Oh, you work in construction? (Proceeds to ask about fixing things around the house, asking if something was installed wrong because it doesn't "look right", or wanting a price quotes for various projects)"
"Oh you are an accountant, can you do my taxes?
No Mary i can't. I work for a corporate company not frigging H&R block. I mean I probably could but I don't wanna."
""Oh you're employed by our company as a robotic process automation engineer, does that means we're all going to be replaced by robots?"
I've come up with the perfect response to this now. "No, just you""
"Oh you're a paramedic? I have this thing on my toe, Will you check it?"
"Oh, you're a chemical analyst? You must know how to make drugs"
"I was going to have surgery and about 10 minutes before I was scheduled to go under the knife, the nurse asked me what I was studying. I told her I'm a computer science student and without skipping a beat she asked me to help her download WhatsApp on her Huawei!
Since I'm also studying genetics, I also often get requests like "does this rash look bad" or "can you clone my cat".
NO. LEAVE ME ALONE."
""You work in a restaurent? How about treating me to dinner sometime?" - A lot of people assume that they can get free drinks and food just because I happen to serve food or tend the bar at the place. That is not how it works...Also "We are friends so I don't need to tip you!" - Well, that is how you got unfriended really quickly."
"Oh you’re an astronomer? Why is my outlook as Pisces so negative this month? I heard all the planets are going to be lined up what does that mean for my horoscope?"
"Sell me this pen"
"So you're a dermatologist? Have a look at this mole I found conveniently between my butt cheeks during this lovely wedding ceremony."
"Oh you're a mechanical engineer, can you fix my car?"
""Oh, you're a writer? Can you help with this very important legal letter?"
And a non-job bonus: "you're married to my programmer son, can you help me with my phone?" My husband gets the "you work in IT, my printer isn't working" questions from his mum. She thinks he does tech support. He programs systems for universities, government departments, etc."
"Oh, you’re a therapist? tells me about their family member who really needs to see a therapist"
""Oh, you're a truck driver? Can you come tell me what's wrong with my car?"
Umm, ma'am, I just drive the damn things... You want the shop guys for that."
"Oh , you are a comedian? Tell me a joke."
"Oh you're a nurse, can you have a look at my ingrowing toenail / tell me why I have a rash down below"
"Oh, you're an electrical engineer? Can you wire my garage?"
"Oh, you studied linguistics? What does this word mean?"