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First of all, you're not an action hero, no one is going to try to strangle you from behind or something. And even IF the aliens, terrorists, or The Wiggles would burst into your small town restaurant like you obviously assume could happen any moment I highly doubt you will be able to defeat them while looking like Arbruce Schwarzawilles like in your fantasies.
Secondly, part of "what was wrong" was obviously the two other details. And, worst sin of all: The cycle shoes. *shivers in disgust*
The only one of all these which wasn't right was the last story because anyone that doesn't like chocolate milk is a alien terrorist Wiggle.
Decided to go to a nice diner.
Waitress: "You guys ready to order?"
Woman closes her menu.
"It was nice meeting you. I'm gonna go."
Gets up, walks out.
I didn't leave until everyone else who'd witnessed it had left.