"Had a friend come over for a weekend thing to celebrate my 6th month of sobriety.

He brought his girlfriend, who brought her cocker spaniel. Who proceeded to s@#t on my couch, and not a solid s@#t either. I'm talking that thick, cake batter diarrhea they get from cheap off-brand dog food and she just looked at me, pinching her nose and said snottily, “Aren't you going to like clean that up.”

My friend looked at her [like] she just had a xenomorph chest burster live up to its name right there in the room, got up, grabbed some paper towels, and cleaned it while apologizing to me repeatedly.

He dumped her the next day because the same thing happened at his parents' house. She was a b#tch."