"For the love of god stop mucking about with whatever it is you're cooking. Unless it's something you specifically need to be mixing or stirring constantly, leave it alone! You'll never get proper color on things if they make more contact with your spatula than your pan."
"People coming into the kitchen to "help"."
Sounds like you're doing it wrong. Line a baking sheet with foil, lay out the bacon in a single layer, and pop it into the oven. If you like chewy bacon, start with the oven cold, turn it to 400, and cook 15-17 minutes. if you like it crispy, start with a hot oven and 12-14 minutes. no splatters, ball up the foil afterward for easy cleanup, and done.