"I once repeated “uh huh, go on..” over and over until they got really irritated and then just hung up on me."
"Hi there, and thanks for calling Cardiff Aquarium. Please be aware your call may be recorded for training porpoises."
"I give them a phone number one digit at a time and ask them to repeat it as a whole after each one. Then tell them they got it wrong when I’m done and start over"
"I asked, “does your mother know that you steal for a living?” He responded, “yes”. I hadn’t planned on that."
"“Mr.Smashing Stuff, I’m calling about an accident you were involved in that wasn’t your fault”
“Oh it wasn’t an accident, I meant to hurt those people.”
The pause you get before being immediately escalated to a ‘manager’ is like crack to me."
"“Oh hang on, let me get the , they’ll be able to help you!”
Then just turn the microphone off and go about my day."
"I once saw caller ID (land line days) with a number that I figured was a telemarketer. In a “tough” voice, without saying hello I asked, “Is he dead?” And about a beat and a half later I said, “Because if he ain’t dead, don’t you even think about coming back here.” Then what sounded like a young woman on the other end said, “Um, uh, uh Bye!” Hope she had as much fun telling her friends as I had telling mine."
"“Hi, We have been trying to reach you about your car’s warranty”
“thats great, what plans can you offer me on my 97 geo metro? I’ve only been in 6 wrecks.”
they usually just give up."
"I pretend to be the dumbest guy in the world.
Them – “You should update your home’s security”
Me – “Like how?”
Them – “A camera on the front door is a good st..”
Me (interrupts) – “Front door? My front door is on the side of my house. How will that work? Do you have a side door camera?”
Them – “Yes sir of course. We have many dif…”
Me (interrupts again) – “PHEW! I have looked so long for a side front door camera salesman. You sir, are my savior. Are you married?”"
"My dad used to get a lot of Viagra salesman. So he pleads with them to stop sending free samples because he’s too hard all the time and can’t live his life."
"I sometimes try to sell them stuff. I once spent 45 minutes on a slow day at work trying to sell a 120 kg vibrator to some dude."
"I ask them to confirm my information for security purposes. Breaks their script and they don’t know what to say!"
"Are you touching yourself too?"
"If they are calling about windows and doors, I tell them I live in a tent. “You are calling a tent, did you know this?”
If they call about HVAC, I tell them I live in a castle, and we heat it in the wintertime by burning witches."
"“Just to let you know, by law I’m required to inform you that this is a premium phone line that will be billed directly to your provider. By calling here you agree to accept all charges.”
Something like that not only gets them to hang up, but they tend to stop calling me after that."
"When I’m not feeling creative, I just tell the truth.
SCAMMER: You bought tech support from us last year.
ME: No, I didn’t.
SCAMMER: Yes, you bought our tech support package. It’s about to expire.
ME: There isn’t anything to expire.
Etc. They’re not supposed to hang up, so they try for a long time before finally giving up. I regard wasting their time as a minor public service."
"I take a deep breath and let out a continuous raspberry. (fart noise with your tongue) for as long as I can. When I stop to take a breath I usually here “..uh.. hello?” And then I take a big breath again and continue. No one has made it to two full raspberries before hanging up on me."
"We have a Rick Roll extension. We forward them to it after telling them about the brief hold and then check the recording length the next day to see if they’ve beaten the record.
The record is 1.5 plays ~ about 5 minutes. Every time they sit through the beginning of the song the second time we all begin to pray to the internet gods that they will make it all the way through to the elusive 3rd loop."
That sounds like something a scammer would say.
These all appear to be scammers.