“I work at McDonald’s, and if you order fries with no salt, we hate you. We need to make them fresh, but that’s not the problem. The problem is they can’t touch the fry receptacle and we have to pour SCORCHING HOT, BOILING OIL–COVERED FRIES directly into the fry box. I have burn scars. We all have burn scars. And don’t get me started on people that order a small. It’s PAPER. You’re killing us.”