#9 would have just encouraged me to learn how to not get caught

#16 Plantain chips???? Wtf is this world coming to? In my day, Dad would make me get him a beer, and I'd drink the last sip from his old one.

#30 In high school, my friends and I would play "assassin" with those toy guns that shot little plastic pellets. One of them got caught, and they just confiscated his gun.

Among much else, what the f@#k does "ayomide rise" mean?

In the 80's, we had a TV in the basement with buttons on the set and no remote. One day Dad says "I got a remote for the TV!" We were excited until he reached behind the couch and pulled out a long stick of unused crown molding. We used it all the time...

#40 my dad’s remote was the youngest kid in the room. It was a win/win for dad. Dad had a “remote control” or a peaceful room with no kids.

re: #38 - My trick with cinamon rolls (whop bisquits) is to use a cake pan instead of a baking sheet. Open the package, place one in the center of the pan. Unroll the rest of them wrapping them around the one in the center until you've created one large cinamon roll that fills the entire pan. You have to add 15% to the cooking time, but you get a single cinamon roll when its done.

#20 how about you blank out "finger", "riding", "shoot" and "pistols" while you're at it. Those words are just as offensive as "f@#king".

#9 you are quite short. Why is your daughter so happy though?