Ok I'm not a mother, but when my son was 3 he was at nursery. As I was fetching him, he innocently asked the attractive 20 year old nursery worker 'Do you have any toys you play with at home?'I almost lost it. To her credit she kept a very straight face.

My mom was young when she had my siblings and me, so our children grew up with great grandparents who were just as big a part of their lives as most kids' grandparents are. One morning my three year old niece was dissatisfied with something my sister was doing, so she hotly informed my sister that as soon as they got to Granny's house she was going to tell her mother on her and she would be in trouble!My sister laughed and explained that Granny was not her mother, grandma is and Granny is Grandma's mother. Then my sister scoffed and said, 'girl, how are you going to tell my mama anything? You don't even know who my mama is!'.Later that day, while they were doing whatever they were doing at my grandmother's house, the niece repeated a misbehavior that she had gotten into trouble for earlier and had been warned against repeating. My sister scolded her and said she'd be telling her dad about it when he got home that evening. My niece glared at her, scoffed, and said, 'how are you going to tell my daddy anything? You don't even know who my daddy is!'. There was a stampede out of that room because we didn't dare let her see that we were laughing or it would become her new 'thing'.

When my youngest was 2 she pronounced "microphone" as "mofo". She would ask to get on peoples' laps by saying "up? yours?" If you didn't respond in her preferred timeframe (i.e., immediately), she would crawl up on you (whether you were standing or sitting, she's part monkey) and put a hand on either side of your face to make you look right at her.So we're at my husband's grandparents' 75th anniversary dinner with his entire extended family and much of his church community (he was a deacon). Husband stands up to make a toast on behalf of the grandchildren. Youngest sees that he is getting to use the microphone to do so. I am trying to deal with child #3's bloody nose, and am unable to stop youngest as she runs to her dad, shouting (because 2 year olds have one volume, "as loud as physically possible") "mofo! Up! Yours!"Husband attempts to ignore her, so she launches into full monkey mode and shimmies up him to the microphone, and everyone in the church hall gets to hear "MOFO! UP! YOURS!" a good ten times before he can wrestle the mofo away from her.

Several years ago, my daughter who was maybe 4 at the time was big into YouTube, like the rest of the tiny population. She had and iPad and liked to pretend to have a “show”. One day as I was reviewing her handiwork I came across a short video with her adorable smiling face. She says:“Hey guys! This is the BAD WORD SHOW! This is the show where we say ALL the bad words we know....F****N’ dammit f**k!”Obviously, she was reprimanded, lost her iPad for a period of time and also lost the privilege of being able to make videos on her iPad. Little does she know, I also sent that video to myself and have laughed and laughed with my friends and family while showing my adorable blonde baby letting out some fierce verbiage.

Im the child but oh god I've said some dumb s**t as a kid. The best one my mom tells people is when I was 5 she was telling me about a women's cycle cause I walked in on her in the bathroom during her period. Shes a doctor so she gave me quite a medical breakdown and apparently I took it well until she asked if i had any comments. Apparently fly i threw my arms up in the air and went "WHAT A WASTE OF AN EGG" I also called fruit loops "foot poops" and at 2-3 said "I want to d**k my d**k peese" whenever I wanted my cup.