Ladies, keep your expectations low.
Don't molest strange men while at dinner.
Be shaped like a bow-tie.
But don't touch your man either.
Let him wear the pants.
Be a loser.
Don't kiss like an amateur.
Don't sit on his lap. Unless you're old and desperate.
Remember, no guy wants to hear about your day. Gah.
Better to hypnotize him with something sparkly.
Burt Reynolds is a deal breaker.
Awesome sex requires planning...and appetizers.
Ignore his wedding ring.
Whatever you do, don't ruin the moment by looking less than perfect. Or forgetting the continental breakfast.
Men, beware the ankle-flashing tease.
Play it safe by dating a Daddy's girl (no way that could backfire).
"Try on some of the new wild clothes. Bell bottoms and English boots and wide ties. Wear a body shirt or dungarees or a groovy vest. . . Think sexy. Think, I am a virile male animal."
Then, swoon and lie. Girls love liars.
If all else fails, just stalk her...
Or pull her hair and drag her back to the cave under force. She'll come around.
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