A portrait of your pet as 17th century nobility. That’s confusing enough that people won’t even try to question it.
Message your head to help keep the headache at bay while babies cry all around you.
A chill dog collar. Just look at the results (Photoshopped) of the “happy” dog.
A rearview bike camera because craning your neck around is so 2000.
Alfred Lloyd’s new album is pure fire.
Because the neck donut pillow wasn’t good enough, real first class travelers needed the SkyRest pillow.
Lips for your dog. I don’t even know where to begin.
NFL Forest Face, because people need to know what team your tree stands for!
A giant fake rock, so you can replace one ugly problem with an all new ugly problem.
A bracelet with a message that all depressed teenage girls will be clamoring for.
The UpRight Sleeper is promised to help you sleep and not choke you to death while in said sleep.
A one of a kind shirt because who can choose what they really want to present to the world? Give the public options!
Get thicker & fuller hair while traveling. DONE.
Box of applause that will laugh at you when your friends won’t.
Well, I’m biased, obviously. I did always wish to own one of these, but who else, not named Bob, would ever give a single fuck?
A Face Trainer exists, and according to some terrible science, wearing this for ten minutes a day would give you a 71% reduction in sagging. All that I can think of is the description to Sex Panther. You know how the saying goes…
Shitten Mittens! That’s not the actual name of this potty training device for cats, but it should be.
A personal “massager” you say…
Why get into actual good shape this year when you can wear a Torso Toner instead? It’s called problem solving, people.
A bed bug cocoon because apparently bed bugs don’t know how to creep in near your fucking head. That’s gonna be a hard no for me, I’m afraid.
This Baby Bottle Kountry Krystal will help you groom a proper redneck baby for life.
“Turn a napkin or dish towel into wearable protection.” Wow, take that, Pinterest.
A barking dog deterrent cleverly disguised as a birdhouse. Sure, but what will the poor birds think?
A drunk cat lithograph. Actually, I might need this for reasons.
A desk mini vacuum cleaner. It works like a Roomba, only way less effectively, and only for your desk you slob.
Harry Potter fans, rejoice!!!
And lastly this completely practical umbrella holder that works for exactly five seconds as you grab the groceries out of your backseat during a storm.
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