If the weather clears up later I might mow the pool.
Wake up Eric, the agent’s here. And for heaven’s sake put some clothes on.
"I think I’m beginning to see a pattern" said Holmes.
This Christmas, turn your house into an actual advent calendar.
Attention to detail is very important. For example, here the agent has dragged the body outside before taking the photograph.
A rare opportunity to acquire a sacrificial dungeon simply bursting with original features.
Best make an early start if you want to reach the sofa before sundown.
Let’s be optimistic. Perhaps it says "Surprise my coconut".
On cold winter nights there’s nothing quite like curling up in front of a roaring toilet.
You'll never guess what I just passed on the stairs.
If separated from the mother too early, young fire extinguishers can struggle to adapt.
A rare chance to own the opening scene from 12 different horror movies.
Blog idea: reasons my fan is sad.
Script idea: Marie Antoinette travels to the 1990s and moves in with a monkey pirate.
Buyers are advised to leave the fridge right where it is.
That feeling when you enter a bathroom and literally don’t know where to start.
Just as it had the great mayan cities of tikal and calakmul, nature slowly reclaimed the Wilsons’ dining room.
Some people like to read while on the toilet. Others prefer to be inundated by multiple confusing and contradictory reflections of themselves, repeating into infinity.
Advice to real estate agents:
Never reveal yourself to be the Prince of Darkness during a viewing.
This year, why not take some time to consider the unquestionable futility of existence?
“Which biblical scene should we paint on our living room wall?”
"Satan v Jesus, the arm wrestling competition. Has to be.”
Not yet Bernard. Feeding time isn’t until 6:30.
After days of waiting this agent’s patience is finally rewarded. Weak with thirst, a pair of wild mattresses appear at the watering hole.
Tfw you're halfway through a wash cycle and you decide it would be easier just to sell your house.
In some cultures, a desire for privacy is seen as a sign of weakness.
“Have you come to save us, or to join us?“
After the Great Plague of 1665, came the less famous Bubonic Bedroom Blight of 1704.
The interior of the Millenium Falcon was something of a disappointment.
If that thing gets accidentally hoovered up it could damage the vacuum cleaner.
Lucy often thought back to her old bedroom, where she spent the happiest years of her life.
Drastic, but it’s always an option if wood panelling really isn’t your thing.
Despite his efforts, Ivan never really got the hang of Feng Shui.
Reminiscent of the bathrooms in the Palace of Versailles, if the bathrooms in the Palace of Versailles had been decorated on a tight budget in the 1970s.
Hit it with something, see if it moves. I’ll be downstairs barricading myself into the kitchen.
Tommy’s parents waited in vain from him to ask for violin lessons or join the school chess club.
Early viewing is recommended as there has already been considerable interest. Mostly from horses.
No it’s fine. Stay there, and you won’t become a preposterous centrepiece of the most ridiculous real estate photograph ever taken.
Recent discoveries suggest mankind didn’t always know how sofas worked.
This bedroom takes its inspiration from that master of minimalist understatement, Liberace.
Bosworth’s Paradox is the name given by real estate agents to the old philosophical problem of a door that opens as you close it.
“A narcissistic TV evangelist? Whatever makes you say that Holmes?”
2017 will be remembered as the year someone built a pretend wishing well in their kitchen.
Perfect for recreating the time you spent as a hostage in the 1970s.
Winning a year’s supply of beer didn’t bring the unending happiness the Erwitts had hoped for.
If there’s an opposite of a Stairway to Heaven, I think we’ve found it.