If my dog stands in front of you, looks back, and puts her butt near you, you must smack the booty.
If my Maine coon stares at you silently, he must he picked up and held or you WILL be tripped the moment you try to walk.
If Gizmo places his paw gently upon human’s foot, human must pick him up. If human does not pick him up, Gizmo is allowed to bite big toe.
I must never go to the bathroom alone. The door must be open so she (the cat) can anxiously watch and ascertain that I won’t be swept away by that flushy toilet thing.
When I was a kid our house had a bean bag chair which our (large) dog had claimed. One day while we had family over I was sitting in the chair since we had otherwise ran out and our dog was obviously displeased.
He walked over to me and stared at me for a few minutes. After telling him “no” he walked off and returned with a bone which he promptly dropped on my head. I got up, he layed down and no one ever sat in his chair again.
If he gives you the ‘sparkly eyes,’ you must chase him, call his name and clap loudly so he can run around like a speed demon. The clapping is mandatory.
One of our cats likes to be the one to wake my stepdaughter up for school every morning. She runs to her bed and lays down on top of her, nuzzles around for her face and nibbles on her eyebrows to wake her up. We have to do this every morning.
No whispering…ever. My pyr/berner mix will make a growling “woooo” sound from the other room if you whisper to someone else, or to yourself. If you continue to whisper..he will come out to admonish you in person. No secrets in my house.
Whenever someone gets ice cubes from the fridge, they have to give one to my kitten to play with.
He bolts towards the fridge any time he hears the ice dispenser because he’s so stoked about getting another ice cube.
If my parrot asks, ‘What are you doing?’, anyone in the immediate vicinity must respond with what they’re doing. He will throw a tantrum if he doesn’t get an answer.
There is no truer love than that of a grumpy man and the dog he said he didn’t want. So every day, at exactly 4 p.m., my dog lets my dad know that it’s time for walkies. Off they trundle to the local dog park, where my dog has her little doggie play dates.
My Russian tortoise needs to be fed every morning by 9:30. If I don’t wake up by then, he’ll scratch his wooden house very loudly and obnoxiously until he sees or hears me getting up from bed.
You absolutely must give both out guinea pigs a carrot by 7 am or they sit together and squeek and be super loud until their demands are met.
When brushing my teeth, I must leave the faucet on while I brush so my cat can drink from the bathroom sink.
If I don’t, I get screamed at in the form of very loud meows.
Our idiot cat, Potato, is a spoiled princess who won’t eat her food unless someone picks her up and gently sets her in front of her bowl.
My boyfriend encourages and enables this behavior, to the point where now, if you put food in her dish, she won’t even look at it unless she’s carried over.
If I sneeze, my cat will meow softly and walk over to me and pat me on my face until I pick him up and tell him don’t worry, it was only a sneeze.
No closed doors. She screams at any door which blocks her path inside the house.
My BF and I have to pretty much shut the fuck up after 9pm or else my dog (who is trying to sleep) will groan really loud. We could be mid conversation or laughing and she will do it really loud.
No shoes on hardwood or tile floors. It scares the baby snakes.
We call it ‘paying the toll.’ Our doxie will instantly steal your spot if you get up to go to the bathroom or something, and she won’t move until you’ve sufficiently rubbed the belly. So to get your seat back, you have to pay the toll!
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