“My turn for love”
“Went to open my fridge...”
When you look more like Harry Potter than Harry Potter:
Great sense of humor!
“I guess the cobbler always wears the worst shoes.”
“A little late but my wife dressed up as Lara Croft for Halloween. She’s an amputee so she improvised.”
“Thanks! Thanks!”
Level 80 in self-irony!
They really take advantage of their beer bellies
The last name says it all.
Now it makes perfect sense!
“I guess I’m an exception.”
“I’m at a wedding. Both the bride and groom are police officers. This is what they’re serving.”
So accurate!
Nailed it!
When a scar is just a new tattoo opportunity:
“Now I drive a Ford Fiesta Lame.”
“Trying to even out my tan on my lunch break”
When you’re feeling great but your hotel mirror puts you back in check:
Let’s be honest, it’s never the left version!
When you’re not just a single mother, you’re a happy meal!
“My wife told me to get dressed up for professional Christmas photos...I think I nailed it.”
When he’s not watching vs when he’s watching
“I finally got to see the Golden Gate Bridge today.”
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