Mumbling the name part during a rendition of “Happy Birthday”
Pretending not to be disappointed when you get a birthday card without any cash
Eating a “family size” bag of chips by yourself
Walking to the “bathroom” when you wake up but ending up in your closet
Checking your symptoms on the internet, and convincing yourself you’re on death’s door
Stumbling and turning it into a funny dance
Claiming you have plans to get out of a social function, even though you totally don’t
Carrying way too much from your car so you can “make it in one trip”
Carefully inspecting an item at the grocery store because someone is standing in front of the one you actually want
Offering some truly transparent fake laughter
Lying to the doctor when they ask about your alcoholic drink consumption
Using the bathroom at a friend’s house and peeking at their medicine cabinet
Lowering the music on your car stereo so you can see better
Searching for your phone while holding it in your hand
Seeing an outrageous price on something at a store and pretending you’re still considering it
Buying a week’s worth of fresh vegetables and not eating any of it
Reading directions on a box of food, throwing it in the trash, then retrieving it because you’ve forgotten everything already
Waiting a few minutes after a person sits down next to you before leaving so you didn’t hurt their feelings
Accidentally sending a text to the person you’re talking about
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