"My daughter was 6. She had 10 one dollar bills. I needed change for some not remembered reason and offered her a $10 bill for her 10 one dollar bills. She completely melted down, screamed, cried, accused me of stealing, on and on and on. I let her keep all the one dollar bills."
"My youngest daughter who is 7 takes everything too literally. One day we were running late, I told Abby to go to the bathroom so we could go load up. After waiting 10 minutes, I knock on the bathroom door to see what’s up.
She opens the door and is just standing there. I asked what in the world is she doing in there for so long??? She replies ” nothing mommy, you told me to go to the bathroom so I’ve just been standing here waiting on you!” Smh. Needless to say we were really really late that day!!"
"Our 10 year old ran the 2ds under the tap to clean it…yes, it died."
"I gush bragged to my mom one day when my middle kiddo was about 3. She was standing outside and explaining how the earth revolves around the sun. I was like “what?! She’s three!”
Then she walked over and licked the side of the outdoor garbage can, unprompted. Brought me back down to earth."
"She didn’t realise birds actually have legs. She was under the impression that the feet just attach to the bottom of the body. Owl’s legs are particularly problematic and concern her most.
"My 3 year old had a meltdown yesterday because someone ate all his sultanas. It was him. He ate all the sultanas."
"My 14-year-old has tried to microwave soup in the same metal bowl at least three times. This is the ONLY metal bowl we have in the house, so it’s not like she doesn’t have many options.
I say at least three times because that is how many times my wife and I have stopped her. Who knows what happens when we are not home! Oh. And she is taking pre-AP classes at the high school this year."
"She used her hair to clean up the water she spilled and cried because she then got all wet.
one time she was jumping on the bed and kneed herself in the face. She cried, I asked what happened. She decided to show me what happened by jumping on the bed and kneeing herself in the face. Again. And crying. It was also her birthday."
"Only minutes ago, having lunch with my kids; my four year old was complaining that the bread in his bagel was getting in the way of him eating the hole and could I cut the bread away"
"Not a parent but my dad would likely tell people this story about my sister…
She planted the sesame seeds from a hamburger bun into the ground thinking she could grow her own hamburger buns. Then proceeded to water a different place every day because she didn’t place a marker where she planted. Idiot."
"He put his new (living) puppy in the refrigerator because he “feels warm, momma.”"
"Speaking for my parents: I used to use the vcr as a piggy bank, dad used to say he could rewire one he’d opened it up so many times."
"He loves pizza. As long as I tell him what we’re eating is pizza. He’ll eat it. Vegetables? Call it pizza. Chicken nuggets? Call it pizza. Literally anything. He screams “yay pizza!!” And eats it. He’s 2."
"My son doesn’t understand how existence works just yet. So when he refers to a time before he was born, he says “back when I was still dead”."
"Today I had to inform my stepdaughter that goat’s milk is not, in fact, dairy free. It took me half an hour and frantic googling for her to believe me.
Love that kid, she cracks me up but I think it’s her stubbornness that leads to “brain farts” like this."
"My kid fell for an internet scam – one of the oldest, classic ones. You become the middleman in a ‘deal’, they send you x money in the form of a check, you deposit money into your account, keep your part and send the rest on.
He told me he was going to do it, I said are you effing crazy, do NOT do that, I explained it all to him, and he still did it after saying he understood it was a scam. My name was on the account and when it went negative $1500 USD the bank took the money out of my Christmas and birthday savings account to cover it.
He was 19.
To all you guys talking about toddlers doing ridiculous things, y’all are cute."