"When I was a kid I had really dry eyes for a time and I told my sister, between us we decided that the best course of action was to smear a bunch of my mums face cream into my eyes to try and stop the dryness.

This, of course, went as well as you’d expect & my eyes immediately went red and swollen & since I couldn’t blink away the thick layer of cream straight away I was convinced I was blind forever & went blundering out into the hallway crying and made it half way down the stairs before I tripped & fell.

I like to imagine my parents hearing the commotion and seeing one child rolling down the stairs screaming & crying with two giant lavender scented blobs of cream for eyeballs and the other child staring in horror from the top of the stairs desperately trying to wipe the incriminating lotion off her hands"

riarum