"Had a biscuit in hand and the ear phone in the other. Put the biscuit in ear and ear phone in mouth. At work. Why must I be such a disappointment."
"First day of university I go out to explore the campus, only to find the same odd piece of litter in the corners of multiple buildings, almost seemingly strategically placed. even more oddly, it was the same exact piece of cardboard trash I kept seeing. Strange, but probably just leftovers from an event where the university handed out something stored in them. Upon seeing the 5th or so inproperly disposed of piece of cardboard, I take it upon myself to be a good citizen and properly recycle the misplaced trash. A simple enough task that even I couldn't screw up! I casually walk to the corner, kneel down, pick up the piece of trash and...
I can only imagine what people must've thought after seeing me react to the piece of trash that had somehow outsmarted me, gluing itself onto my skin. I was like a cat with a piece of tape on its paw, flailing wildly, too afraid to scream, the only sound that could be heard was cardboard flippyflaps echoing down the halls.
After the 4th or 5th good swing at the air, the cardboard remained permanently affixed to my skin and I had finally begun to realise what was happening. I, a superior intellect, a student of a well respected university, had been caught.
By a mousetrap. GG."
"Made a cup of coffee, got out a cereal bowl, poured cereal into my coffee, then put the cereal box back in the fridge."
"A couple years ago I was moving out of my apartment, so I had the whole place packed up. I had a cold at the time, so I decided to take some alka-seltzer. With all my cups put away, I get the idea that I should just toss the meds in my mouth, and drink out of the sink to wash it down. Well the tabs get stuck in my throat and the water begins activating the meds. I'm sitting there alone in my kitchen, clutching my throat and foaming at the mouth into the sink. I was ashamed I was about to die in the least cool way ever. Luckily they dissolved quickly enough for me to catch my breath and not die."