"Worked in kitchens for over a decade. Put a metal pan in the microwave to heat something up."

"“Don’t touch. Wet paint.”

I touch"

"Was folding laundry one afternoon.

Picked up a white shirt with some faded grey letters, looked very vintage. Had a black collar. I'm looking at this shirt and see the letters are some kind of weird font/ launguage.

It looks like the Elf language from LOTR in font and German lettering, with lots of diaeresis and vaguely familiar letters.

So I'm standing there for like 5 minutes, closely studying this damn shirt trying to figure out WTF language this is, even asking my boyfriend if he knows where he got this shirt (is it a band name? gift from someones vacation overseas?) I mean I'm going crazy trying to figure it out, this familiar yet never before seen language.

Turns out it was an American Eagle shirt inside out..."

"Locked myself out of the house and couldn't pick my locks

I'm a locksmith by trade"

"I was in class one day messing around with my stapler.

"I wonder what'll happen if I staple my finger." *Staples finger."

"Huh. I don't know what I expected.""

"Couldn't find my glasses. They were on my face.

Also walked into a pole. Not a small pole."