“I cannot watch Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory TO THIS DAY and I’m almost 30 years old! First, the Oompa Loompas steal children from their parents at random. Then, one kid practically drowns in the chocolate river, which gives a whole new meaning to the phrase ‘death by chocolate.’ And then, one girl eats a piece of gum and becomes A BLUEBERRY! I couldn’t chew gum for months after watching it.”