WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS
The Dark Crystal
“The bad guys sucked the souls out of little creatures and tortured the heroine extensively! Pretty harsh for a Jim Henson puppet movie!!”
Lemony Snicket: A Series of Unfortunate Events
“The whole movie was depressing. It starts with the death of the kids’ parents, and it gets progressively worse from there. The kids were just handed off to this random stranger who kept trying to kill them in the worst ways (i.e. parking their car on train tracks), all so he could get their parents’ money. There’s a glimmer of hope when the kids are put into the care of a family friend. It seems like all is well until the villain finds them and kills the man who was taking care of them. Eventually, the villain literally tried to MARRY THE 14-YEAR-OLD GIRL, all so he would get the money. It was a truly messed up movie.”
Beauty and the Beast
“I’m sorry, but kidnapping a young woman and keeping her prisoner until she falls in love with you while your friends use song to break her down mentally is not something that should be on Disney+. It belongs on Investigation Discovery.”
All Dogs Go To Heaven
“Sure, there are cute dogs hopping around, but the entire story surrounds gambling, robbery, and murder. And don’t forget the scene where Charlie dreams he’s in HELL.”
101 Dalmations
“Cruella de Vil wanted to capture dogs to SKIN THEM AND WEAR THEIR FUR!!!! If that’s not screwed up, I don’t know what is.”
Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
“That Child Catcher scene gave me nightmares for a LONG time.”
Bridge to Terabithia
“The movie was so good up until Leslie died. I was 9 years old when I first saw it and I haven’t seen it since. It was so traumatizing that even my dad felt bad for not knowing what was going to happen in the movie. It’s the reason I look up the summary of movies before seeing them.”
Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory
“I cannot watch Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory TO THIS DAY and I’m almost 30 years old! First, the Oompa Loompas steal children from their parents at random. Then, one kid practically drowns in the chocolate river, which gives a whole new meaning to the phrase ‘death by chocolate.’ And then, one girl eats a piece of gum and becomes A BLUEBERRY! I couldn’t chew gum for months after watching it.”
Harry Potter
“Not only was his ‘family’ super abusive, but he was manipulated his entire life to be raised like a lamb for slaughter.”
Anastasia
“After losing her entire family (except her grandma) at the beginning of the movie, she became an unloved orphan with short-term memory who was thrown out at 18 years old. On top of that, there’s an evil ghost demon trying to kill Anastasia, and her ‘love interest’ was using her the whole time to get the reward money for her safe return to her grandma.”
Hocus Pocus
“In the first five minutes, there’s kidnapping, child murder, and a public execution. We also see a bus run over a cat, three kids attempt to burn three adults alive in a school kiln, constant mockery of a teen boy’s virginity, and repeated references to how awesome hell is. Granted, the movie is still pretty great, but it’s a lot darker than people give it credit for.”
The Parent Trap
“It’s not a fun kids movie when you realize, not only did the parents separate the twin sisters, they straight-up abandoned the other one. If they hadn’t met at camp, the twins never would have seen each other again.”
Thumbelina
“She was kidnapped TWICE and forced into a marriage by TWO different people. Also, a large crowd of people who just called her ‘ugly’ repeatedly is probably not the best thing to show young children.”
Pinocchio
“Where to even begin with this trauma-inducing nightmare of a kids movie??? Everything you could possibly use to scare a child is in here: a puppet randomly comes to life, said puppet’s father gets swallowed whole by A WHALE, and then the puppet turns into a real boy, only to be turned into a donkey at some nightmare-fueled carnival full of donkey-boy slaves? NOT TODAY SATAN.”
Madeline
“Did y’all ever watch the live-action Madeline movie??? That kidnapping scene was WAYYYYY different when I saw it as a kid. I watched it recently and it was…horrifying.”
Matilda
“Miss Trunchbull shouldn’t have been anywhere near children. And the Chokey. Don’t get me started on the Chokey.”
Snow White
“After her stepmother hired a huntsman to cut her heart out, Snow White goes and lives with seven dudes she doesn’t know, eats a poisoned apple, and falls into a coma! Finally, she gets kissed by some random prince she’s never met and goes off to marry him!! ALL WHILE SHE’S STILL 14 YEARS OLD!!!!!”
Who Framed Roger Rabbit
“This movie is so sexist. Also, the part where the bad guy’s face melts off? Terrifying as a child AND an adult.”
Stuart Little
“All of those kids in the orphanage dreamed of having a ‘forever family’ and these parents adopted a mouse. A MOUSE!”
Coraline Coraline
“Other Mother acts all perfect and then turns evil the second Coraline wants to go back to her real home. She traps her in the Other World and tries to keep her captive FOREVER. Then, Other Mother went out of her way to capture Coraline’s parents and lock them in a mirror. Also, the ghost children storyline is so sad. To this day, I still can’t get over how bad I feel for them.”
Home Alone
“Kevin is just a kid, so it’s understood he can get lost, but what the hell kind of family and mother would forget their own child?! The rest of his family were extremely complicit in his mistreatment too!”
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