“One time my cousin Walter got this cat stuck in his @$$. True story. He bought it at the local mall, so the whole fiasco wound up on the news. It was embarrassing for my relatives and all. But the next week, he did it again. Different cat, same results, complete with a trip to the emergency room. Then, last week, I saw him in the pet store. He was buying another cat. I said, “Walt, what the hell are you doing, you know you’re just gonna get this cat stuck up your @$$ too, why don’t you knock it off?” And he says to me, “Brodie, how the hell else am I supposed to get the gerbil out?” My cousin was a weird guy.”