“My sister found some large bandaids in the bathroom.”
“I bought a watermelon several months ago, it quickly was ‘lost,’ and I assumed someone threw it away by accident.”
“However, while cleaning my kids’ playroom, I found it in their toy fridge. My god, it stunk!!”
“So I caught my son making ’potions.’”
“Nap time, I guess. She brought her bedtime snacks.”
“8-year-old playing volleyball with mom for exercise. Thanks, bud.”
“My daughter tripped and fell 2 days ago at the library. I had knee surgery, and now she is vicariously experiencing her pain through me.”
“Someone bit into this fake pear. I’m assuming that it’s a kid from the bite size.”
“My kid likes sand.”
“Picked my kid up from the bus stop today.”
“Kid finds the labelling machine.”
“My son tried to trick the tooth fairy for more money by putting other ‘teeth’ under his pillow.”
“My brilliant kid thought it was a good idea to print the entire Microsoft privacy policy.”
“Just a reminder. Hide all of your devices.”
“I promise I didn’t cut my hair.”
“My son is upset because we won’t feed him dog food.”