“The scuff on this flyer makes it look like the baby has dual eyebrow piercings.”
“I wonder how many people got rocked by these glass dividers before they decided to bring in the pool noodles.”
“My new card came in, whatchu think?”
“Someone’s mom said no.”
“My wife decided our home was where this jar should go. But what to put in it?”
“The pavement is for peasants.”
“My GF told me I wasn’t allowed to do anything special for her birthday this year. (Un)fortunately, it is also Labor Day this year.”
“A truck crashed in our neighborhood. I climbed the fence to see what’s going on. My wife snapped this picture.”
“I am not eating the plant, I am clearly just practicing the keyboard.”
“For 5 years, I made sure I put my hiking socks on the correct feet. Never crossed my mind that I always picked the left one first.”
“Today I realized I had bought large socks.”
“Getting really tired of these department store mannequins and their unrealistic expectations of beauty.”
“I had to read it a second time as I went by.”
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And nothing wrong with those cookies probably. Just cut em apart.
Just add a large glass of cold milk and give him that giant cookie. He'll love it because he loves you.
..preheat the over and put the dough in a roll in the fridge before cutting the cookies.
#12 "sigh" *drops in a quarter*
#25 all your valuables, no one's going near that thing...