"Not a lawyer, but I am a former police officer and spent a lot of time in courtrooms.

One guy was on trial for a DUI, and he wanted the judge to know that the cop who arrested him was “just some punk kid”. He insisted that he’d only had two bottles of wine and his lawyer keeps trying to get him to stop his stream of verbal diarrhea and he just keeps going

Eventually the judge says “I think you should take a moment to confer with your attorney” and the guy says “Don’t interrupt me, I’m not a child!”

Judge smiled and leaned back and said “by all means, please continue”. dudes attorney just looked like he was deflating."