"Client added 9 years to a short sentence. He got like a year or 2 for being involved in a drag race that the other guy crashed and severely injured someone else. Then towards the end of his short prison term he tried to escape, got 9 more years for prison escape! He became friends with John Lennon’s killer in NY prison, which was interesting."
"Client was being sued and didn’t like the opposing counsel or the judge so he left the court a bunch of voicemails so profane that he was subject to a criminal contempt of court hearing"
"Not an attorney, worked in a firm. Workers compensation claim, guy falls down at work and claims he injured many different body parts(Shoulder, Knees, Back). We tell him to stay off social media. No problem, he doesnt use social media.
At trial, he tells the Judge he used to be a Spin Class Instructor, but since the accident, he cannot teach classes anymore. Welp..turns out, he continued to teach these classes after his injury. This was proved by the HOURS of surveillance the Insurance company did, showing him teaching and vigourously riding in Spin class.
How did the Insurance company know he was still an active instructor? The guy posted his Full Teaching Schedule on his FB page. His potentially very lucrative claim, was quickly changed to a fraud claim against him."
"With the utmost certainty in his voice, he yelled at the arresting officer that “It’s not domestic violence; I’m on public property!”
You could tell from his face he really thought he had the cop over a barrel on this one but…"
"Paralegal. Once had a convicted criminal explain to me how their murder charge should be overturned because the victim didn’t die at the scene of the crime. The victim died at the hospital, therefore the defendant couldn’t be charged with anything more than attempted murder."
"Around 1990 there was a guy on trial for armed robbery. He pled not guilty. A witness on the stand identified the defendant. The defendant jumped to his feet and roared, “I should have blown your head off when I had the chance…..” pause, thinks, adds, “if I had been the one who robbed you…”"
"Client returns to court drunk after luncheon adjournment. Falls asleep, and his head drops right into the side of the witness box, whereupon he proceeds to snore. Loudly."
"Not a lawyer, but I was in a courtroom watching injunctions (restraining orders) play out.
One case the woman was there, but the man was in prison so he was calling in. After deciding on an agreement, the guy asked if he could make a statement. At the end of his statement, he said “and tell {the woman} to go f@#k herself.”
He got an additional 6 months of prison. The guy asked to make another statement after getting a tongue lashing from the judge.
And he did it again – telling her to go f@#k herself. And got another 6 months.
Imagine losing a year of your life because you couldn’t shut up for 5 minutes."
"I was a legal clerk for a couple years in college. Still baffles me how this one made it all the way to trial. Lady slipped & fell at a chain restaurant, “hurt” her back irreparably, wanted a huge payout. Said she slipped on butter that was on the floor. On cross exam she was asked what type of butter, answer “the little pats of butter they put out in the buffet.” Defense immediately re-called the store manager…. The store had never used that type of butter. Case ended pretty quickly. Lol."
"Not me, but a colleague. A wealthy client’s son got picked up for drug dealing at a local music festival. The client bailed him out, and then had his whole fancy law firm defend his son.
The son shambled into the courtroom stoned off his @$$, and loudly attempted to buy drugs off the bailiff.
There wasn’t a lot the lawyers could do after that."
"My father is a patent attorney, and when I was around 14 he told me about a guy who wanted to patent the IPhone 3 because “aliens” had given him the design for it. My father told him that if the aliens originally designed then they were the ones that had to patent it, not him."
"Client accused of punching another man & knocking a tooth out. He said numerous times on the stand that he had arthritis and was not capable of closing his fist to form the punch as described by the victim.
Part way through his cross examination, the magistrate stopped him to state on the record that he had watched my client clench his fist numerous times since he made that statement.
He was found guilty."
"I once had a client who showed up to court wearing a T-shirt that said, “Guilty as Charged.” I wish I were joking!"
"One particular client that comes to mind is a guy who committed a spree of burglaries… while on electronic monitoring for another case. The State brought a list of his coordinates to his bond hearing. I actually made the argument that he is clearly not a flight risk, since he actually kept his monitor on, and that the Court should release him on the same terms as his other case. The Judge looked at me like a crazy person and held my client without bond."
"Client in the interview with police:
Police officer: “I don’t care how angry you are- you can’t go around threatening to kill a 5 year old!” Client: “I didn’t threaten to kill her!!! I threatened her mother!!!”
He thought there was some sort of distinction there. We took a plea deal."
"Not a lawyer, but I am a former police officer and spent a lot of time in courtrooms.
One guy was on trial for a DUI, and he wanted the judge to know that the cop who arrested him was “just some punk kid”. He insisted that he’d only had two bottles of wine and his lawyer keeps trying to get him to stop his stream of verbal diarrhea and he just keeps going
Eventually the judge says “I think you should take a moment to confer with your attorney” and the guy says “Don’t interrupt me, I’m not a child!”
Judge smiled and leaned back and said “by all means, please continue”. dudes attorney just looked like he was deflating."
"I was on a jury where the defendant showed up in court day 1 wearing the same exact outfit as the “unknown suspect” in the video of the crime. It took only a few seconds before the judge immediately called a stoppage. All lawyers went into the back with the judge and they came out like 7 minutes later as announced the defendant had taken the plea deal. Wild"
• Don't insult other visitors. Offensive comments will be deleted without warning.
• Comments are accepted in English only.
• No swearing words in comments, otherwise such comments will be censored.
• Your nickname and avatar are randomly selected. If you don't post comments for 7 days, they both are reset.
• To choose another avatar, click the ‘Random avatar’ link.
