"When Steven Cheated On Him, Fernando Was Heartbroken. Now, Years Later, Fernando Was A Famous Model And Ready To See His Pictures Spread Around The World. Steven Would Be Sorry"
"So I Says To Em, I Says - How Many Toimes I Gotta Tell Ya Roy? How Many Toimes? Ya Gatta Quit Comin Hea. It’s Gatta Stop. Ya Gambled Away Yuh Money, Ya Gambled Away Amba’s College Fund, And Ya Gambled Away My Heaht"
"I'm Sick Of You Criticising Me, Martha! I'm Not Getting Rid Of The Cape! I'm Getting Rid Of You!"
"Deandra Wasn't Gonna Listen To The Haters. If She Wanted To Spend Every Goddamn Minute In Her Wedding Dress, She Would. It Was Like The Whole Left At The Altar-Thing Had Never Happened"
"Linda Had Never Felt So Fierce As She Did Walking Into Court With Her Team Of Attorneys. She Was Ready To Take Daryl On For All He Had, That’s What You Get For Cheating With Her Younger, More Attractive Sister"
"Franco Had Been Hitting The Gym Hard After His Divorce In Order To Get The Right Tender Profile Picture. However, The Lack Of Right Swipes He Was Getting Made Him Realize An Important Lesson - Never Skip Leg Day"
"To Hell With Everyone That Said She Couldn't Wear Her Wedding Dress To A New Years Party. Wanda Was Marrying Her Own Future, And No One Else's"
"Brad Walked Up To The Door Of His House, Eager To See His Wife After A Week On The Road. But Then...it Hit Him. *that* Smell. Even Through The Door It Assaulted His Olfactory Glands. She's Been Into The Seed Again, He Thought To Himself, As He Opened The Door To See His Worst Fears Confirmed"
"I Adore My Lawyer", Claudette Told Her Brunch Club. "Every 7th Divorce Is Free, He'll Shun Your Ex From Polite Society For A Small Fee, And He Always Has Fresh Petits Fours In His Office. Pastel Frosting Only, Of Course. I Had A Petit Four Once With *indigo* Frosting. Darlings...it Was Horrifying."
"Bob Froze. The Kids Froze. Gail Snapped Their Photo Without Saying A Word. Deep Within, Bob Seethed. “Once A Month And A Week At Christmas Isn’t Enough, Gail! A Father Shouldn’t Have To Sneak Around Just To See His Children!” But He Kept Silent. She’d Only Twist His Words In Front Of The Judge"
"Money Had Been Tight Since The Divorce, But Cindy Was Having Second Thoughts About Home Haircuts For Her Chicks"
"When Peaches Saw That Her Ex Had A New Girlfriend, She Was Okay With It. Oh, She Looks Like Me, Peaches Thought. All Was Well Until She Saw...the New Girlfriend's Name. Nectarine. Peaches Felt A Pit In Her Stomach, And Recalling When Her Ex Said, "No I Love Your Fuzz I Swear!" Made Her Weep"
"'6 Feet Tall Since Apparently Females Care About That. World's Most Dangerous Bird-In Bed Just Sayin'. Big Talons, Big Pe-Rsonality Ha. No Drama, No Single Moms, No Birds Older Than 20-Sorry If It Hurts Just Bein' Honest.' Paul Would Take His Eventual Tinder Ban Harder Than His Fourth Divorce"
"You Don't Get A Say In My Tux Colour For This Wedding Sharon!!"
""Happy Birthday," Edgar Said To His Third Wife, And Strode Into His Study To Call His Lawyer. Why Did Wives Always Have To Turn 30? He Thought Bitterly. Luckily, The World Would Never Run Out Of 19-Year-Olds, And Edgar Would Never Run Out Of Money"
"With Great Respect For Each Other, We Have Made The Difficult Decision To Uncouple. We Will Continue To Remain Friends And Will Forever Be Bonded By The Love We Feel For Our Dear Child, Finnick Primrose. We Ask For Privacy As We Navigate This Next Stage Of Our Relationship"
"Her Divorce Finalized, Jacinta Went To Woolworths And Skipped Happily Down The Make-Up Aisle, Thinking "You Spend As Much As You Want, Girl! Mascara, Lipgloss, All The Eyeshadow Palettes! Yass Queen! Brett Doesn't Control My Finances Anymore!" Then Hummed "Sexy & I Know It" All The Way To Checkout"
"Franklin Got Home With The Fish And Realized He Was Still Shopping For Two"
""I'm A Strong Independent Single Mother And I Don't Need No Man Telling My Son What To Do," Hilary Muttered Herself As She Marched A Mortified Billy To The Principal's Office To Complain About Bring Your Dad To School Day"
"Tfw You Can Finally Eat Cookie Dough Without Hearing Your Ex Say, "You Shouldn't Eat Cookie Dough. And It's Not Just The Raw Eggs, It's Also The Raw Flour. Nobody Talks About The Raw Flour. Sigh. Why Don't You Just Bake The Cookies Like A Normal Person? Is Cookie Dough *really* That Good?""
""And Who Is There To Counsel The Marriage Counselor When Her Own Marriage Falls Apart? The Marriage Counselor *counselor*? And Then Who Counsels Her Huh?", Bridgette Asked, As She Drowned Her Sorrows With Her 8th Bottle Of Mixed Berry Flavored Sparkling Cider"
"I Only Drink Champagne On Two Occasions, When I Am In Love And When I Am Not"
"They Decide The Custody For The Divorced Birds"
"Peter Remember How I Made Your Provolone Cheese And Salami Rollups For Lunch Everyday So That The Salami Overlapped The Provolone Just Like The Moon Phase For That Day Waxing Crescent Was Your Favorite No Other Woman Will Love You Like That You Hear Me?"
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