But, having a more stress-relieving and much less expensive 100 lb Heavy Bag to punch repeatedly would no doubt offend those Estrogenic screaming males as 'toxic masculinity,' right?

What? No... but we do get free food during lunches at work (same as students) as well as free coffee/milk/cacao drinks/mixes from the machine in the teachers lounge as well as an earmarked 200€ a year as a "health-treatment-allowance" to spend on things like massage or spa or what ever. That is just enough for a year of a gym membership at at least two of the local gyms in my town (a smalltown - ca 20k people, Sweden). Which is WAY more effective in combatting stress then giving yourself hearing damage inside a phonebooth.

We've almost completed the "good times create weak men" phase.
Next stop: weak men create hard times