“I thought this was a ‘cherry’ marmalade. Turns out Cherry Tree is the brand, and it’s actually caramelised onion marmalade. Not exactly my idea of breakfast.”
“Welp… I can just google it anyway.”
“My gf’s mirror melted my monitor.”
“Guy hit my car and ran before the cops came, after I spent $1,500 on internal repairs.”
“Job is to put the liner down the chimney… “
“Pretty sure the other wheel rolled into the sewer when it broke off.”
"This thing poking out of the ground destroyed this guy’s new brand new tire."
“I just wanted to go home a little early. Looks like the rest of my day is going to be auto shops and YouTube videos.”
“Dropped candle in the sink. Candle survived.”
“Already late for work.”
“Finished making a cup of tea, opened the cupboard to get the sugar and got ambushed.”
“Dropped my laptop.”
“Rat ate my savings.”
"They had one job."
"When you try to swat at a fly that’s on your window… f@#k!"
“Tripped over the new bathmat. FML.”
“Wife and I each ordered a pound of boneless wings each from a new spot. Portions seemed small so I decided to weight it… There are 16 ounces in a lb.”
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