“When life gives you lemons, you can only make lemonade if life also gives you a lot of sugar.”
“The oldest millennials will soon turn 44.”
“Your consciousness is trapped within the bounds of what you know.”
“Elevators are probably one of the safest modes of transportation.”
“Cats & dogs owned by masseuses are lucky because they are way better at petting than average people.”
“In a future with electric cars, when children “make a car sound”, they will be silent.”
“UFO sighting would have skyrocketed if drones were invented before cameras.”
“Language and music are the closest things humans have created to a time machine. Each word we speak and every note we play draws on ideas from the past and projects them into the future.”
“Movie theaters would probably make a lot more money if they made snacks/candy cheaper.”
“April Fool’s Day is the one day of the year when people critically evaluate news articles before accepting them as true.”
“Sleep should be rolled over. Like “Oh, you got 20 hours of sleep today? Cool man, you don’t need sleep for the next three days.”
“If cats had wings,they’d still just lay there.”
“1984-2000 seems a very long time compared to 2000-2016.”
“When drone technology becomes cheap enough, hands-free umbrellas are gonna be the s**t.”
“Taxes are like a subscription to your Country that you can’t cancel, no matter how bad the service gets.”
“Your dog doesn’t know you can make mistakes. When you trip over him in the dark, he thinks you got up just to kick him in the head.”
“Car horns should only be allowed to be in pitches C, E, and G, so whenever two people honk at the same time it will be in harmony and traffic jams will sound like symphonies.”
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