Anyone who puts milk in FIRST:
Anyone who DISRESPECTS fries like this:
Anyone who VIOLATES a poor, helpless stick of cheese:
People who think this is somehow OKAY:
Or allow this to happen to a poor, DEFENSELESS slice of ‘za:
Or, LORD HAVE MERCY, let this happen:
Anyone who COMPLETELY disregards the rules for eating a Kit Kat:
Or anyone that eats a taco like this:
Or goes against all that’s PURE and GOOD in the world and eats a burrito like this:
People with the GALL to dip cookies in orange juice:
Or, bless my poor heart, use ORANGE JUICE IN THEIR CEREAL:
Anyone who disrespects a wing like this:
Or just goes KOWABUNGA and starts munchin’ on a kiwi like a dang MANIAC:
Or…or…does…this:
Or… THIS:
OR, SAINTS PRESERVE US, THIS:
Anyone who eats pasta with a SPOON:
Ice cream with a FORK:
Or doughnuts like a BARBARIAN! A BARBARIAN, I SAY!!!
People who put back Oreos without their GLORIOUS frosting:
Or open a box of cereal like they LIVE IN A BARN but, like, NOT A BARN LIKE YOU MIGHT SEE ON HOUSE HUNTERS WITH, LIKE, LIGHTBULBS IN MASON JARS??? MORE LIKE A REAL-DEAL BARN WITH HAY AND TOOLS:
Or RIP the heart out of a poor cinnamon roll:
But the biggest MONSTERS of all? People who put in toilet paper like THIS: