You are not perfect, but as human beings go, you’re actually relatively successful, because you have never worn a Fleshlight as a sock.
Or used ground mince to apply for a job.
Everything is fine, because you’ve never dropped Santa through your own ceiling.
Or dropped all of your friends into a river.
When you buy trousers, they are usually human trousers.
And when you wash them, you normally don’t do it with lots and lots of fire.
And hopefully you’ve never used your own child’s head as a sour cream dipping bowl.
There are people out there who are very bad at taking baths.
And just as bad at making breakfasts.
But you are not them. You’re not this guy either.
This person’s failure to get their ball back is your success.
You’re winning simply by not being these guys.
Or the girl who dropped her sandwich in the bath.
You haven’t spent five months watering a plastic plant, so you’re doing OK.
You’ve hopefully never crashed your car in the middle of an empty car park.
Or let some random bloke into your house to wash his clothes for free.
You are a successful human being, because you are not this man.
You are not Jenga-face girl.
Or this on-the-go texter.
This woman’s shame is not your shame.
And more important than anything, you are not this poor girl.
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