Being able to squeeze through tight spaces like you’re a fucking superhero.
If we were running away from a bad guy and had to squeeze through two walls in an alley, we would be really fucked.
Not getting wedgies from every piece of clothing known to man.
R.I.P. underwear, shorts, dresses, pants — all eaten by the force of our cracks.
Being able to wear things without them ripping on your gigantic bottom.
Wearing a bodycon dress that doesn’t constantly shimmy its way up your thighs like that’s its job.
*spends entire night anxiously pulling down on dress*
Finding a pair of well-fitting of jeans.
So…they fit? They go over your butt? But aren’t too big on your waist? And feel right on your thighs? IMPOSSIBLE!!!
And putting on a pair of jeans in no time.
You know, without sweating like you’re competing in the Olympics or something.
Being able to quickly get out of chairs without taking the whole damn thing with you.
And what do you mean you can share seats with friends?
Not knocking things over/running into actual people on a daily basis.
“Oh sorry, it kind of just does that.”
Wearing a pair of low-riding jeans that doesn’t expose the world to the Mariana Trench, aka your buttcrack.
And being able to lean over without holding onto your bottoms for dear life.
Not leaving a visible mark wherever you sit.
Dat swamp ass doe.
Not having to buy a bottom size 3000 times bigger than your top.
Wearing short shorts without spilling out of them.
People not constantly pointing out that yes, you do have a large ass.
You mean, people don’t scream, “You got a DONK” at you?
And finally, wearing leggings without showing off what you’ve got going on underneath.
What sorcery.
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:dance 5