Microsoft Clippy
If you lived during the 90’s, you might remember Microsoft Clippy. Acting as a personal assistant to Microsoft Word, Clippy tried to help the user with tasks. The only problem was most of the tasks were very basic, like writing a letter or creating a spreadsheet. While the original creators thought it would be great, most everyone thought Clippy was extremely annoying.
Toilet Golf
Toilet Golf is pretty straight forward. With this useless device, you get to mix business with pleasure by practicing your golf game. Just make sure to wash the golf club, like, all the time.
Hair in a Can
Men have always gone to great lengths to hide and cover up their bald spots, which leads to all kinds of embarrassing and useless inventions. The Hair in a Can isn’t going to fool anyone. It’s essentially black spray paint.
Giant Wine Glass that Holds an Entire Bottle
If there was ever a product more prone to promote alcoholism, this giant wine glass would be it. It claims to be able to hold an entire bottle of wine for all you winos out there desperate to get cirrhosis and visit the dialysis lab twice a week.
Hair Hat
We’ve all heard of hat hair. Now, there’s the hair hat, another attempt to cover up baldness with a cap that makes it look like you have hair. Your chances of getting laughed at are much greater wearing the Hair Hat than being bald.
iPotty
All parents know the struggle of potty training their kids. With the iPotty, you can now experience those trials – this time with an expensive computer. Because what better way to utilize your iPad than to put it as close to your child’s feces as possible? Just put the iPad in the holder, and your toddler will have an infinite amount of fun putting its filthy hands all over the screen while probably not doing what you originally wanted. You know, going potty.
Wine Glass Holder Necklace
This is perfect for when you’re planning to go to a wine party and loathe the idea of using your arm muscles to hold a glass of wine for a long period of time. Obviously, get the Wine Glass Holder Necklace.
Female Lap Pillow
The Female Lap Pillow has to be one of the most useless, creepy, and sad inventions of all time. Designed to look like a female lap, the pillow will make you feel even more lonely and depressed. Even practically, it doesn’t even look that comfortable.
Avocado Saver
The avocado saver is a big waste of time, money, and brainpower. If you only use one-half of an avocado and want to save the other, just wrap it up in plastic wrap and put it in the fridge. Problem solved.
Face Slimmer
The Face Slimmer is clearly a useless piece of silicone with the silly intention of keeping a female’s face slimmer and without wrinkles. It’s not going to work, and you’ll look ridiculous using it. Just say no.
The Napkin Clip
The Napkin Clip’s useless purpose is all in its name. Bring it to any dining event, place it around your neck, find your napkin of choice, and clip it in front of you. Congratulations, now you’re the talk of the town, but not in a good way.
Steering Wheel Laptop Desk
Most inventions come from necessity or out of a desire to solve a problem. The Steering Wheel Laptop Desk only creates more problems. If you drive with it on, you’re likely to get into a fatal car crash. If you use it while in a parking lot, you’re going look really silly. It’s a no-win situation.
Walking Sleeping Bag
More like a sleeping suit, the Walking Sleeping Bag is designed with arms and legs in mind, allowing any happy camper the luxury of mobility while staying comfortable. Those without pride or dignity will be sure to love this thing.
USB Pet Rock
The Pet Rock of the 70’s was pretty useless. Now a company has done them one better, creating a useless pet rock with a useless USB cable.
Handerpants
If you’re in the market for some underwear for your hands, then look no further than the Handerpants. Designed for no apparent purpose other than to look like a weirdo, these tighty-whities really redefine what useless truly means.
Helicopter Ejection Seat
We’re not sure if this is useless or just stupid. It’s probably both. Rotor Floater designed the HES (Helicopter Ejection Seat) and, of course, they struggled to find the right timing so the pilot doesn’t get cut in half by the propellers. Even after slowing down the propellers and making the seat eject at Mach 19 (Something likely to give pilots lifelong back problems), they still only had a 72% success rate with test dummies. Those odds are like playing Russian Roulet with your helicopter.
Wig for Cats
Much like putting clothes on a dog, a Wig for Cats is likely more embarrassing for the cat than for its owner…because even it can see how pathetic and useless it is.
Electric Facial Mask
Other than finding a unique way to terrify your friends at a dinner party, the Electric Facial Mask serves no other purpose. Sure, it claims to rejuvenate and tone your skin, but we all know that’s unlikely.
Snuggie for Dogs
Maybe the inventors of Snuggie for Dogs didn’t quite get the memo in kindergarten, but dogs already have a built in Snuggie. It’s called fur. They don’t really need a second one.
Comfort Wipe
The Comfort Wipe is intended for those with a limited range of motion. It sounds like it might help. Except, read a few of the reviews, and it’s clear it creates way more problems with the wet toilet paper clinging to the handle, forcing you to remove it manually.
HeadOn Migraine
HeadOn is supposed to help relieve people of migraines by applying the large stick of glue to your forehead. Except, it doesn’t have any real active ingredients in the formula and is essentially just wax. All it might do is provide a placebo effect.
Vibrating Ab-Belt
Since the 1950’s, many inventors have claimed a vibrating belt can tone your muscles and help you lose weight. Unfortunately, it’s a total misunderstanding of how weight-loss works. Vibrating Ab-Belts don’t do anything except waste your time.
Smell-O-Vision
While watching a movie, most people don’t want to be rudely interrupted by pungent smells. It doesn’t add anything to the story and might force viewers to make a quick trip to the bathroom. Some things are just better not knowing and the Smell-o-Vision proves it.
Bacon Floss
While everyone loves bacon, it can’t be said that everyone loves bacon breath. No one especially wants a whiff of your newly flossed bacon teeth. What good is it to have your mouth smell like bacon when you never ate bacon in the first place? It’s a cruel joke.
Face/Butt Towel
The Face/Butt towel helps you remember the importance of hygienic organization. But honestly, the only good real use for this towel is a gift at a white elephant party or a practical joke on a family member.
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