Not said to me, but I died when I heard a kid say, “You look like you came from a donation pile.”
“Retake the picture so I can be in it. It’ll look a lot better”- my younger sister when I was taking a selfie
I was once told I was more disappointing than an unsalted pretzel
“It’s impossible to underestimate you”
My card was declined buying a coffee and a 14 year old girl next to me offered to pay for it because “she could tell I really needed a win”
Was with my son at a playground. He was on the tire swing, and I was just chilling on a bench and keeping an eye on him while also scrolling through my Instagram feed. A random little girl came up to me and tapped on my shoulder, which honestly made me flinch because I wasn’t expecting it. I just looked at her and gave a confused look, and she didn’t say anything for like 10 seconds. Then she said “sorry, I thought you were my grandpa”. I’m a 28-year-old woman. She somehow mistook me for an elderly man.
Heard a kid tell a classmate that they “smelled like hotdog water”
Got into the office, go to sit down, and before I can even get in the chair a guy walks into the office and goes “Did you go to college? Because it must have taken years of training for anyone to be this useless. You clearly got the Master’s Degree.”
I’d never met or seen this man before in my life. He apparently thought I was somebody else in the IT office, and just decided to lay into me.
“You sneeze like a squirrel.” It wasn’t the words so much as it was the sheer look of disdain and the disgust in that 9 year old’s voice.
You’re like a lighthouse in the middle of a desert; Bright, but not a lot of use
I was playing a drinking game that involves rules being made on the fly (cheers to the governor) we had a no swearing rule, and than an insult rule, which made it a g rates insult rule. So my friend is up and I’m the insultee And, without hesitation, she says “your teeth aren’t as white as they could be!”
I was flabbergasted.
The complete lack of hesitation combined with the specificity of the insult was devastating. I knew she meant it, and it had been stuck in her craw for awhile. I started whitening my teeth the next day.
“Apologize to that tree over there for wasting the oxygen that it worked so hard to make.”
“Daddy, you are boring, and you have stinky feet.”
I swear I want that on my tombstone.
“I wish you were a speed bump for my tricycle.”
From my sister when we were 4 or 5.
“Stupid people can believe in anything, so you can believe in yourself!”
My niece, 7 at the time, grabbed my hand to hold it, so I thought. Instead turns my hand to get a good look at the back of it and says to the room “hmmm, still no ring huh?” Then proceeded to marry me to my dog. We are going 6 years strong now.
I was called a gray sprinkle on a rainbow cupcake… harsh
“If Mr. Rogers was your neighbor, he’d move.”
Me : “”What are you doing on Friday?”
Girl : “I’m washing my hair”
(Oblivious) Me : “So what about Saturday?”
Girl : “I’ll think of something”
I was pestering my then girlfriend/now wife and she turned to me and said “You need to go home and think about everything you are. Then change it.”
My jaw dropped and she immediately started apologizing. She had meant it to be kinda snotty, but realized how harsh it had come out and felt bad. I actually thought it was kinda funny, but I still tease her about it some times.
“Your life is more about regret management than goal achievement, isn’t it?”
A toddler once told my sister “I like your mustache” while gently poking her upper lip
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