“I drove to Iowa to visit my friend. I found an Uruk-Hai scimitar in a local antique shop. I bought it. Without hesitation. I don’t know if I have enough for gas to drive home. Worth it”
“Well let me tell you, it was quite the pragmatic purchase. It has endless uses in my morning routine”
“Such as making the bed”
“Making toast”
“Getting things off high shelves”
“Making coffee”
“Reaching the remote when it’s too far away”
“And assisting me when I ran out of toilet paper”
“I don’t know how I survived life without it”
“We hang up lights”
“Decorate the tree”
“Wrap presents”
“And enjoy hot cocoa by a roaring fire”
“My roommates came home early”
“We’ll meet you at the altar”
“He hangs proudly on my wall near my bed in case of intruders”
Pretty much exactly what anyone should do if they find themselves in possession of a mythical weapon of ultimate evil. Sure the hell beats simply mounting it on a wall for display purposes only!
When not using it to make coffee with, Zoe’s scimitar is tastefully hung next to her bed, close at hand in case someone dares to try and invade her kingdom. Just try it, intruders, Zoe dares you…
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