Mercury
Time survived: Approx 90 seconds.
Mercury has more swings than your girlfriend during ‘shark week’. Or, to be more PC about it, it has more swings than the playgrounds at your local rich-kid school. With temperatures that range from 800ºF to −290ºF, you’re not lasting very long.
Venus
Time survived: Approx 1 second.
If you wind up on Venus, bring a camera and snap a photo as fast as you can, because you aren’t going to have much time to soak it all in. With pressure 90 times greater than Earth and an atmosphere that consists of 98% carbon dioxide, it ain’t gonna be a good time. Oh, it’s also an average of 800°F there.
Mars
Time survived: Approx 80 seconds.
With an average temp of — 80°F and an atmosphere that consists of 95% carbon dioxide, Mars still has a long way to go in order for us to comfortably live there.
Jupiter
Time survived: Approx 1 second.
Jupiter is essentially a giant blender of helium, hydrogen, tornadoes, lightning, and a ton of other things that would f@#k you up if you somehow managed to get there.
Saturn
Time survived: Less than 1 second.
Saturn is filled with massive storms that will blow you to bits before you could blink. Winds of up to 800 km per hour are constantly going, and the atmosphere is deadly to humans.
Uranus
Time survived: Unknown
While technically, it’s all ‘unknown,’ it’s too hard to even make an estimate here. Why? The hot mixture of water, ammonia, and methane that makes up Uranus is so deadly that we wouldn’t even make it onto the planet.
Neptune
Time survived: Approx 1 second.
Wind on Neptune can hit you at the speed of sound, and pretty much any solid object that makes it to Neptune will be absolutely destroyed almost instantly thanks to these storms.
Whoa… Space….
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