“Everyone keeps talking about how they lost 60, 90, 200 lbs. Good for them! But nobody talks about how they heroically got fat. I’ll be the first! I did it! Left — 2017, 120 lbs. Right — 2019, 170 lbs.”
“A year ago I got black-out drunk at a charity bar crawl. My best friend commissioned a painting of his favorite photo of me from that night.”
A Ph.D. candidate defended her dissertation wearing a skirt she made of rejection letters.
“Finally found a use for the drawer full of Calpol syringes. Golden Syrup applicators! 5 ml is the perfect amount for a waffle.”
“A worker in my factory has a cowboy hat that doubles as a hard hat.”
Feeling insecure about how unoriginal and boring your bathroom tile grout is? Want to make a statement? Just cover that up with some glitter glue!
“Forgot the dog leash, so I checked the car for other options.”
“My son was born today! I am away, but my wife sent me this. I am BEYOND excited!!”
“No bro left out”
Now they can cross the road in any place they want.
“My boyfriend probably won’t ask me to pick him up from the airport again.”
This mother won’t notice any difference.
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