A woman came to the check out and handed me a bag of mozzarella. She asked me what the ingredients were and if there were any chemicals in it. I turned the bag around and started to read the ingredients out to her. She grabbed the bag out of my hand, angrily said “I could have done that myself ” and stormed off.
I used to work in a pet store. One night a woman came in and said she had ordered a puppy off the internet and he would be arriving in the next few days. She had never owned a pet and asked several dumb questions, but the one that I’ll always remember is “Do puppies need water?”
I used to work in IKEA in the section which sold wardrobes. Big behemoths of things. Normally around 6 foot long and 60kg in boxes. Customers would regularly ask me would it fit in their car. After being polite the first few times asking them about the size of their car and guessing, I then just started asking them what colour their car was. The amount of people who’d answer unphased was amazing.
When I was a teenager I had a customer try to fight me because we didn’t do the taco Tuesday discount for him.
It was the weekend
When I worked in a call center for home phone service, I had a guy call and angrily ask why we were still charging him for his phone service, since he had unplugged his phone from the wall a month ago.
Context – I was 16 during this
I work at chick fil a and I’m taking orders as you do, guy walks up and asks “Aren’t you supposed to be in school?”. I look down at the clock and see it’s 6 pm. I look at him confused and say “No it’s 6 pm”. He asks again, I say the same thing again.
Then he yells “Alright, F#$K YOU” and leaves
I used to work in a phone shop.
Had someone come in asking why their phone wasn’t working properly. It was visibly scorched and melty. I asked why it looked that way. They said, it came up with an error message saying it had been too cold (not an error message I had heard of before, but I know phones can bring up errors for being too hot, so who knows) and so they had put it under the grill to heat it up.
The grill.
Their first point of call was to cook it.
I said, that’s why their phone wasn’t working, and no it was not covered under the guarantee.
I worked at a hat store and a guy asked if he could shrink his hat by microwaving it. I said no. He came back two days later to return his hat after microwaving it. Problem was there was a hole in the front of it because Brewers hats are made with metallic threading.
“What time do you close today?”
“We’re open 24/7.”
“Oh great! And what time do you close tomorrow?”
I worked at staples and I had a customer ask if the printer toner was ‘ethically sourced’.
This lady really thought laser printer toner was squeezed out of squids or some s@#t
Used to work at a car parts store. Customer walks in and asks if vegetable oil was better than regular engine oil and what isle it was on
Working at a state park in Maine:
When do deer turn into moose?
I worked at a convenience store while in college. This married couple comes in and they go get drinks. The lady asks me if the bottle water is fat free. I smile and just, yes and that brand is also calorie free. She smiled and said thanks. Her husband gets out his wallet, shakes his head, and pays.
Customer: “Why is it so dark outside all of a sudden?!?”
Me: “The sun went down, mam”
I write erotica for a living. I have, on a number of occasions, received emails from people telling me how much they enjoyed my stories and asking what happened to me afterwards. I usually assume that they’re just looking for a little bit of bespoke pro boner bono jerkoff material, but some of them seem to genuinely not grasp the fact that they’re fictional stories. That I made up. With my brain-meat. For money.
I got into a discussion with one guy early on who wouldn’t let the idea that I was just writing up my sexual misadventures drop. I even pointed out that the girl in the story had a different name to me, at which point he replied: ‘I just thought you were shy.’
He genuinely seemed to believe that I’d written up something like an eight-person true-to-life BDSM gangbang scene (or whatever it was), but I hadn’t put my pen name on it (not even my real name, my pen name) because I’d suddenly come over all bashful.
Used to work at a movie store in the early 2000s, this dude with a thick accent kept calling in every other few weeks or so asking if we had this movie on DVD called “Churro Man”
I mean this guy called a lot, and I told him that no such movie existed in our system but he was adamant he’d seen it on a release schedule.
Finally a couple of months later, some guy walked up to me and asks me for the movie. I immediately recognize the voice and know who it is, after a few questions in person I realized what the movie was all along. The whole time he’d been looking for True Romance and it had indeed just come out on DVD, the accent threw me off.
Turns out it wasn’t a dumb question and that I in fact was the dumb one.
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