"One year, I got a purse made out of a dead frog."
"When I was 12, my grandma gave me a statue of a fertility elephant so that I would be 'fertile for the future.'"
"My parents gave my brother and me rakes."
"My aunt got me musical Christmas underwear. You had to push a button to make songs play out of your crotch."
"Festive rice, because that's a real thing."
"An ironing board cover. I was eight. Thanks, Grandma."
"I was 11 years old and my dad’s girlfriend gave me a Ouija board."
"My parents gave me a book about how to find my 'soulmate.' I had been dating my now husband for four years."
"My grandma got my sister and me matching lingerie sets. It was so awkward."
"One year, I got a damn dictionary."
"I got a frying pan. I was eight."
"When I was eight years old, my grandma gave me sheets. She said I got too many toys and I probably needed sheets more."
"My father gave my husband and me the joint gift of a Victoria’s Secret gift card, to 'keep the spark alive.'"
"In elementary school, my classmate gave me a potpourri-scented refrigerator magnet."
"A fake fish — as in, a bowl with a battery-powered fish in it."
"An actual stocking full of coal."
"My uncle gave me a shirt of a chihuahua sitting on the toilet — a late souvenir from his trip to Mexico."
"A doll bought at a garage sale with drawings all over it and the creepiest smile."
"When I was 10, I got a wooden duck. No explanation came with it."
"My sister would make fun of my pale eyebrows, so she cut two rectangles out of black felt and told me they were my new eyebrows."
"I asked for a copy of Titanic from my aunt. She bought it for me, but it was a Titanic documentary from the History Channel. I should have been more specific."