The Plastic Sheeting Is For The Vomit Caused By The Migraine Caused By Everything Else
“As Gregor Samsa Awoke One Morning From Uneasy Dreams He Found Himself Transformed Into A Black Gym Ball”
Like A Circle In A Spiral, Like A Wheel Within A Wheel. Like A Toilet In A Shower, In A Kitchen, With Hanging Space For Clothes, And A Portable Radiator
As He Listened To Them Driving Away, George Realised It Wasn’t A Real Game Of Hide And Seek
The Lord Has Sent Us A Sign, In The Form Of 2 Hideous Rugs And A Huge Crystal Bowling Pin
We Don’t Know What He Does In There. He Says He’ll Tell Us Once He’s Caught Something
When It Came To Selling Their House, Slipknot’s Decision To Manage Their Own Viewings Was Ill-Advised And Unsuccessful
“Honey, I Found The Perfect Place For Our Wall-Mounted Naked Limbless Gender-Neutral Toddler Dolls”
I’ll Make The Bed As Soon As I Can Find It
I Love Excercise. I Could Lay In Bed And Watch It All Day
Off-Street Parking
Property Comes Complete With A Frisky Middle-Aged Woman And Half A Bottle Of Chardonnay
The Music Drowns Out The Washing Machine Drowns Out The Toilet Helps You Forget About The Mirrors
I Mean It Marv, If You Walk Out That Door We’re Finished
That Time When Open Plan Living Broke Through The Acceptability Threshold
This Bath Was Brought To You By The Letter H And The Realisation That Interior Design Just Changed Forever
How Thoughtful Of The Seller To Leave Us A Self-Portrait Of Her Breast-Feeding Her Dog
The Sun Will Set, And The Demons Of The Night Will Rise. Until Then, The Vaccuum Cleaner Sleeps A Dreamless Sleep
Anyone Thinking Of Trying Rachmaninov’s 2nd, Forget It. I’m Not In The Mood
You Can Have Storage Or You Can Have A Bathroom. You Can’t Have Both
4 Bedrooms, 2 Bathrooms, And Extensive Opportunities For Open Plan Off-Roading
I’m Not Suggesting It’s Inauthentic, But Did Henry Viii Definitely Have A Weights Bench?
The Isolationist Equivalent Of A Welcome Mat
Bob Would Smile To Himself Whenever He Thought Of The Money He’d Saved By Not Installing Air-Con
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